Apparently, there is a new Olympic qualifying standard for those wanting to represent Great Britain - or Team GB, to use the ghastly official name. The Sports Minister, Hugh Robertson, has declared that: "If you are going to represent Britain at the Olympics then I think it is sensible to know the words of the National Anthem. I would say it is even more necessary if you think you are going to win a medal."

No, it isn't. The appropriate conduct when on the podium is just to stand there with a radiant grin and shining eyes. Better still, let the lower lip wobble a bit and allow noble tears of pride and relief course down your cheeks. Singing doesn't enter into it.

Read on...